Poetic Isolation

Showing posts with label life. Show all posts

*Note: I wrote this blog in December 2024. I haven't shared this yet, but I think this would be a great introduction before I share what my goals are for 2025.

Hey guys! I never thought I'd be writing something more personal in this blog anymore, but I do, hence this blog. I've been reading many other people's old blogs, which inspired me to write in this blog again, apart from the sponsored posts. I miss when I blog about anything just because I want to share something and keep some *memories*. It felt good reminiscing about those times when I just wrote and talked about something, not because I was paid or asked to do so, but because I wanted to. It feels great to do that. It feels like me. Technically, I'm still me, but I lost the excitement to do that. I don't know why; I can't tell you why. I've been caught by my 9-5 or too occupied with other things.

Anyway, here's a blog about what's been going on in my life lately because I love blogging, and I owe this to those who still open and read this blog despite my not being as active as I used to be.

Current Work ✍🏻📖

I'm currently working as a full-time content writer. I left the academe two years ago when things started doing better after the pandemic. I have to be honest; I don't want to be a teacher again, at least not yet. I miss connecting with my students, thinking of new ways to make young minds learn more, conceptualizing school activities, being as creative as possible, and attending school. I don't resent the time I've spent as a teacher, but I found that I am more suited to writing, as I tend to like working alone much better.

The thing about writing for work, though, makes me feel not write outside work. Still, I try to pursue other tasks that allow me to make use of my creativity. This includes editing videos and photos. I'm not great at it since I also lack the applications and knowledge to produce better outputs like them, but I enjoy doing them.

New Platform 🌸🏵️🌺

One of the reasons Poetic Isolation was left out is because of Bloom Cebu, a platform I've created to specifically promote or share relevant information around my hometown, Cebu City. It enabled me to create various opportunities to learn and earn, but sometimes, most things I do for it feel like work, so I'm considering being active here again. I'm also thinking of producing more videos that are more personal than promotional. I don't have a specific niche in mind yet, but I'd like to record things that give me joy, just anything under the sun, really.

Goals, Failures, and Future Plans 🌱✨

I've failed in some areas, including my graduate studies and weight. The good thing, though, is I'm working on the latter. I'm back to lessening my carb intake as much as possible. It’s already been two weeks since I had rice. I have tried doing keto in 2022 to lose weight, which I did, but I also find the diet unsustainable for the long term. Hence, what I'm doing now is to be as mindful as possible of my food intake. I’m also enjoying moving as much as I can. I hike, jog/run, do yoga, and work out indoors. I used to think I would never do these things, but I’m happy and proud of myself that I did.

I’m not getting any younger, and I feel like I have to work and take care of my health as much as I can. This is one goal I no longer want to lose; a goal that I know would benefit me the most and my future self, so wish me well on this one.

Now, my grad school. *deep sighs*

I passed the comprehensive examination (an examination you have to pass before being allowed to write your thesis). I summarized the topic I wanted for my graduate thesis in 2019. It's a shorter version of the first three chapters of my thesis, so my professors and thesis adviser will have a general idea of what my paper will be like once I finish it. The problem? I lost the drive to finish my whole thesis. Honestly, I don't have the gusto to finish the entire thing. It is pretty costly and takes so much time, but I might be just trying to find an excuse here. The bottom line is that I don't need to do my current work, and it doesn't have a direct benefit to my career. It won't give me a higher pay or get me promoted. It's more about fulfilling my folks' aspirations for my siblings and me to proceed in grad school and, basically, bragging rights.

For now, I can't tell you if I'd ever want to return to the university and finish my paper soon. No one's bugging me about this, but something inside me feels disappointed that I didn't finish everything. I feel like I've wasted my time (years) studying, only for it to end in nothing. I don't know. I don't have the answer to this dilemma at this moment.

Heartbreak - Moving On deeper sighs ❤️

This summer, I broke up with my ex-boyfriend. It wasn't my first heartbreak, nor was he my first boyfriend, but our separation hit me a lot. It's been months since we stopped communicating, and while I don't want us back together, I can still feel the echo of losing him. I fell in love with him and thought of building a future and a family together with him, but now I am sure that moving on and accepting things as they are now are the best options I have in matters of the heart.

I have many questions, and my heart doesn't feel at peace sometimes as I try to understand how we ended. I'm thirty, and the pressure of finding a husband and building a family gets me sometimes. (Yep, this happens if you live in the Philippines and have nosy relatives and people in general!) I know I am an independent woman who has found success in my own way, but like many others, I want to find someone I can love for the rest of my life, too.

I'm not closing my heart to possible love affairs, and I hope it will be forever the next time I fall in love again. I’m deeply hurt by our breakup, but I learned a lot from our relationship. I have a better picture of what I want now, my boundaries, and myself. To be honest, I have not moved on completely yet, but I’m giving myself time to recollect. It’s not an easy journey. It takes a lot out of me emotionally and mentally, but I’m taking my time now to improve myself. I’m taking each day one at a time, and I try to complete each with a grateful heart. I may have been broken, but I’m alive, and the world is still a beautiful place to live in. The flowers still bloom, and my mother still makes her best dishes for our family. Life is still beautiful.

‘Til then. Cheers to more beautiful days ahead!

Love lots,

Tin

Hello friends! I know, it's been a while since I've scribbled something closer to my heart, and please pardon me if I bombarded you with too many "sponsored posts". Anyway, I'm still around though I know I haven't been in this space for quite some time, especially during the height of the pandemic when everything just seems uncertain. If you're reading this post, I hope you are feeling well, healthy, and mostly, happy.

A lot happened when I sort of stopped sharing something personal in this blog. Mostly work, but mostly life. Life happened and it's still an ongoing show. Nothing grand happened though, I'm not getting married or expecting a baby, but I thought it would be proper for me to run you through what's been going on in my life if I were to sort of 'come back into my usual blogging caliber. Not that I ever stopped, which you'd find out later.

I would like to say that one of the biggest reasons why I haven't blogged here as much as I did is the drastic shift in going digital with every aspect of our lives. For sure, most of us worked in front of our computers more than we used to prior to the pandemic. This is especially true for me ever since I worked full-time as a content writer last year, and briefly as a curriculum developer. This means that I spend more or less ten hours working on my computer, and I would really love to lessen it to protect my eye health.

Going back, what's new? There might be a lot of new things or ventures happening in my life now. Most of which aren't even part of my "goals", but I'm grateful for the good ones. Like every other person's life, I also had some bumpy parts. Some of which I'm still coping with as they are emotionally traumatic, and it's not something everyone can understand so I just tend to be quiet about it.

What's Up?

Yeah, so what's up? Here are some major updates in my life. Feel free to read or not. lol :)

I've started making fashion earrings.

A part of me always wanted to create something with my hands, and I find it so liberating to come up with something that I initially just had in mind. If you know me or if we personally often meet, you'll know how much I love wearing earrings. I remember collecting fashion accessories before particularly rings which I have actually blogged countless summers ago. haha Now, I'm conceptualizing and making earrings. This is more of a side hustle or a hobby for now though, but I am happy how this makes me and other ladies happy. I'm not producing or selling my creations in massive quantities as I do this by myself with whichever materials I have. This is also not something I would consider a full-blown business since I have to have a full-time job that would allow me to pay the bills aka Netflix monthly subscriptions. lmao

Nevertheless, this makes me so happy and free, and even though I'm aware that this isn't something that would make me rich AF, I'm grateful for the smiles this has given me. Also, this has given me the chance to reconnect with some of my college and high school friends whenever they want to buy a pair from me. This is because I'm only posting my creations using my Facebook account, which is fine with me as I get to know and see that people I personally connected with are wearing my creations.

I've made a lifestyle blog exclusively made for my city - Cebu City

One of the things that I love about blogging is that it allows me to share what's good in my beloved city of Cebu while also practicing my creativity by taking photos and scribbling words. This is something that I deeply love and as cliché, as it sounds, it helps relieve my stress. It is also through my humble virtual space that I can express my support to the businesses in the city especially startups/ MSMEs.

Blogging is not my bread and butter, but it doesn’t matter to me. It is and has always been a means of catharsis for me. I've had so many struggles during the pandemic, especially during its height. I know I'm not alone with it, and despite trying my best to be strong, I couldn't help but worry for my health and for my family. I know that many businesses in my city were also struggling at that time, and I did the best I could to support them by buying local products. This just got more relevant when mobility was limited. Hence, I decided to create a blog that focuses on the good things in my city be it products, people, or events. I find that with the stress that we've experienced, knowing that there are positive things happening around you would definitely help keep hope alive.

The best part about running my localized blog is the opportunity to get to know inspiring people within my community and be able to share them. Not to mention, I was able to work with different PR agencies within our city and get to promote homegrown products. Plus, I got invitations to write as a freelancer. Although the gigs I had are not enough to be viable sources of income. I'm grateful for the sense of happiness that it gave me. Please follow Bloom Cebu on Facebook, Instagram, and Youtube.

Yep, I've tried vlogging but I'm too shy to even share my videos and my editing still sucks so you may not subscribe to my channel! haha!

just a couple of photos I took for local brands in Cebu :)

Looking Ahead

Looking ahead, one of the goals I have in mind right now is to be able to publish a poetry book. Most of you who have read my blog pre-pandemic when I was active AF here, you may have read some of the poems I have published in this space. As the name of this site suggests, I initially intended to house my poems in this blog. However, as I met new friends and got interested in other areas such as fashion, I've published blogs other than poetry. The book is far from finished and I've selected some poems which I have shared here to be part of the collection. I'm not sure when I can finish it either, but let's hope I will despite having a gazillion of other things in mind. haha

For this blog though, I plan to add two more categories that I'll be focusing on apart from product reviews. I'll be sharing blogs about health and book reviews. I actually worked as a content writer last year where I write about health and wellness. I cannot of course just share what I have written in this space, but I have learned so much from what I wrote. Since I find health as one of the top priorities in life, given that we are still going through the COVID-19 pandemic, it got me thinking that I should also write and share about wellness here. Of course, it's a delicate topic that requires research so I might not be able to blog about it as often. Same with book reviews, my work gets so much of my time. Adding the crazy traffic in the Philippines where I need to allot 2 to 4 hours to commute, I'm left with little to no time to read in a day as much as I want to. Still, I'm positive about this and would like to share with you my reviews on my favorite books as I slowly add more to my reading list.

Apart from these things, I don't think much of me has changed. I'm still the same Tine who adores visiting museums, coffee, and flowers. Although, personally, I'm much quiet than I used to be. I get a part of me got used to the part of me who lives in stillness. Not everyone can understand that part of me so let's just say, talking in person is not my hobby at this moment! :) Oh, and I'm slowly trying to get more active in Instagram @scaryredroses so, say hi is you're hanging out in IG!

The month of May started hopeful, but it didn't burn wonderfully like the heat of the month. So much has happened and it wasn't all great. Much of them left me hanging in a higher level of anxiety. Most nights I just stare at the ceiling waiting for the dawn thinking about everything and nothing. Some days I don't know how to get through the day, but I'm grateful that today, even though everything doesn't feel great, I am alive and I think it's enough to be hopeful. Truthfully, I am not the optimist kind regardless of how much I wanted to be. However, it amazes me that after through so much I still find a sparkle of hope. I don't credit everything to myself for such. Maybe because I am a Sagittarius but that would be such a petty excuse. Seriously, it must be because of my mom's constant prayer or my best friends Hagie and Jong whom I can always rely on. They are some of my own proof that God exists and is with me - just like the art of music.

I like to think that music is one of God's purest way of communicating with us. It is such a powerful art that instantly overpowers me with relief. In these times where terror seems to sprout everywhere, I know how important it is to use our voice to reason with truth, but it is also in times like this where I can't seem to find my voice. Everything just feels like noise and it's only either silence or music that would put me at ease. These days when I don't like to talk to anyone else I just put on my earphones and go sound tripping. I feel so much better after a song or two as if a torn in my heart has been lifted or a cloud of negative dust in my brain has been collected. I do it often especially these days where work is halted by the quarantine. I know about findings ways to be productive, but there are just days when my heart just feels so heavy. I don't have the slightest clue on what's about to happen tomorrow. Nobody does - ever, but with music, everything is bound to be better even when uncertainty drowns the light.

Here are ten songs that made my quarantine much bearable than it actually does. I made these alternative "song" covers just because I needed some moments of creativity.

Summertime Sadness by Lana Del Rey

Think I'll miss you forever

Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky

Later's better than never/ Even if you're gone I'm gonna drive (drive, drive)

I got that summertime, summertime sadness

Alaska by Maggie Rogers

And I walked off you/

And I walked off an old me/

Oh me oh my I thought it was a dream

So it seemed

Mystery of Love by Sufjan Stevens

How much sorrow can I take?/

Blackbird on my shoulder/

And what difference does it make/

When this love is over?

Let's Fall In Love for the Night by Finneas

Let's fall in love for the night/

And forget in the mornin'/

Play me a song that you like

You can bet I'll know every line

Circles by Post Malone

Seasons change and our love went cold

Feed the flame 'cause we can't let go

Run away, but we're running in circles

Have You Ever Seen the Rain by Creedence Clearwater Revival

Yesterday and days before/

Sun is cold and rain is hard/

I know been that way for all my time

This Year's Love by David Gray

This year's love had better last/

Heaven knows it's high time/

I've been waiting on my own too long

Level of Concern by Twenty One Pilots

Panic on the brain, world has gone insane

Things are starting to get heavy, mm

I can't help but think I haven't felt this way/ Since I asked you to go steady

Wonderin', would you be, my little quarantine? Or is this the way it ends?

Modern Loneliness by Lauv

And I've been tryna fill all of this empty

But, fuck, I'm still so empty/

And I could use some love/

And I've been trying to find a reason to get up

Start Over by Gaho

Even if I’m running on one foot/

Like I’m broken I’m going to go my own way/

The promise I made with myself.

Let me know what you think of the songs especially if you've heard them. Isn't it a wonder to think that different souls listen to the same songs at the same moment regardless of spatial and circumstantial differences? Give me some songs in the comments section below.

Love, Music, and Magic be with us these trying times.

love lots, Tin

I used to scribe about the highlights of my week following the “The Sunday Currently” series which was started by SiddThornton all over the blogosphere. Although I didn’t religiously post them here on my blog, I used to have them on my journal. Those are nothing lengthy nor special but they were functional ways for me to keep track of my weekly progress or to remind myself that regardless of how slow or fast time passes, my week hasn’t gone to waste. For more than a month though, it seemed to me that everything happened in blurry slow motion pace as of some scenes from Wong Kar Wai’s pictures.

Everybody is facing a similar challenge or shall we say an enemy: the ncov19 pandemic. I still find it crazy to imagine the reality that we are facing today. It is a reality that almost everyone in the globe is facing wherein handful things have been put to halt and most of us are in the cusp of uncertainty’s tongue. The quarantine in our city started in the middle of March. When will it be lifted? There’s an indefinite and uncertain answer to that.

If the pandemic didn’t exist, most people in our country would probably be enjoying the beach or pursuing various activities that would fulfill their #travelgoals. I might be in similar situation but I would also be spending so much time at work. My colleagues and I were tasked to submit shtloads of work documents up until the second week of April which means that I now have so much time in my palm to decide on how I would like my days to go by.

Honestly, much of those are spent planning on what (my family) we are going to eat for the day and when and what are the things that we should be getting the next time one of us has to go to the grocery.

Most of the days feel dull, difficult, and mundane, and I have to admit, I feel so much frustration from it. Still, I understand the gravity of the crisis and the need for us to abide and cooperate for everyone’s health and safety. Some days though, I try to do something to lift up my spirit and spice up my quarantine days so as not to feel more down and anxious. One of those days include today where I decided to write how I’m currently doing based on the prompts below.

🌼Reading

My reading department hasn’t been so wealthy ever since I started working in a university. I still read a lot, but much of those revolve around academic literatures. For this seemingly never-ending vacation though, I plan to finish my pile of to-be-read books. I'm also reading my students' responses to the writing prompts I gave them.

🌼Writing

This?

🌼Listening

I’m a fan of the new American Idol. I know it’s not something hype or whatever, but looking at aspiring people chasing their dreams using their own voices inspires me a lot. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t dream to be the next Lady Gaga but I love listening to music. The best part about AI for me are the original songs written and performed by their contestants. Do listen to Out Loud by Alejandro Aranda, I Hope by Gabby Barrett, and Roses by Maddie Poppe and you’ll know what I’m talking about. Stevie Nicks will always be a darling to my ears to her songs are also constants!

🌼Watching

I have been watching a lot of movies and tv series in Netflix. Most of what I’m watching are Korean hit series and Spanish films so I think I’ll be fluent in speaking Hanggul and Spanish once the quarantine is over. Lol What I’m currently finishing as of this moment is the cute Korean drama Crash Landing on You (CLOY) which isn’t bad, but I think I love Itaewon Class much better.

🌼Thinking

About the things that I’ll be doing during or after the quarantine especially finishing my graduate paper and some ways not to overthink. I’m painfully a pessimist and an over thinker and it just gets crazy once I let an idea take my mind over.

For one, I am thinking about the imminent economic collapse in our country. For a developing country like ours', this is something that is inevitable since much of our government funds have been used in providing assistance to the en masse. I can't imagine how things are going to be after all of this. I still have to get myself a temporary job which would serve as a first aid kit for the time being where most of us couldn't go out for work. I guess one of the worst things that could happen after the quarantine is not to have a job or an alternative source of income.

🌼Smelling

The four seasons fruit juice with pomegranate tea on my side. Ahmad Tea London produces heaven in tiny teabags!

🌼Wishing

For a better situation.

🌼Hoping

For all of this coronavirus-related problems to be over.

🌼Wearing

A blue floral sleeveless dress because our house feels like being in an oven right now.

🌼Loving

My phone, my books, and my art materials.

An acrylic painting I did on an old thrifted bag of mine.

🌼Wanting

More acrylic paints and watercolor pads. Baking supplies because people hoarded 98% of them. I can’t even get a flour or a butter stick anywhere near me right now.

🌼Needing

A warm hug or a slice of moist chocolate cake. I can’t tell the difference.

🌼Feeling

Overwhelmed. Anxious. Fck up. Grateful.

🌼Clicking

My keyboard. Duh.

Pardon me if some of the things I wrote on this post a little disturbing. I just want to be fully honest at least in this little virtual xanadu of mine. I fervently hope for better things and sending some prayers to our front liners and to those who have lost someone due to the coronavirus. It's once of the reasons why I don't like sharing some other stuff online because I don't want to feel indifferent about others' suffering. Somewhere on the other side of the globe must be crying over someone they loved and lost. I can't imagine something similar happening to my family and close friends (God forbid). When I think it over, death is always in the corner bringing someone with him everyday regardless if the virus exists. If anything, this crisis makes me think and emphatize on others. At least that's what I hope and think I do. I hope that while reading this, you are in a comfortable situation – healthy, safe, and sound.

I’m aching for all of this to be better and I’ll still be here even after all of this is over.

Stay safe. 💖

love lots,

Tin

Hello beautiful readers! It's been a while since I posted something personal about my life. I'm aware that I have posted a number of blogs, but haven't gotten in touch with most of you for quite some time. I have been anxious about life in general where I have to step back from most online interactions. I miss living in the moment and wanted to see life and share it as it is, regardless if it ain't that good. A quick update: I left my job last March and decided to take a new role as a university instructor for college students. Like any neophyte employee, the job has been taxing and stressful, but it is also one of the best things that ever happened to me this year.

Leaving my previous job hasn't been easy. It was heartbreaking in a way that both my mind and my heart were in turmoil when I left. There were so many things that I wish I'd said or done, but I know that it was time for me to leave because I was no longer happy. As much as I don't want to admit it, I have to acknowledge what my heart sees as the truth. I'm not exactly sure if there's something I could do about it, but I am hoping for mental calm and clarity though it pains me to think about it all.

Going back to what's on my plate right now, I am generally contented and grateful for what I have. I know I'll never be free from any suffering, but I am starting to accept life as it is and just try my best to dance in the rain (or storm) if I may. So much has transpired, but I'm saving all those wonderful things for a year-end post. Currently, here are some of the things that make my life a little bit spicier.

READING

Primarily because of work, I have been reading academic reading materials. Aside from this, the only fictional work that I am trying to finish is Milan Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being. I decided to read it out of curiosity and because of someone's recommendation, but really I'm reading it because a guy on whom I currently have a huge crush has it on his list of favorite books. So... 🤪

WRITING

I wasn't kidding when I said that my work takes so much of my time. I am of course working on this blog, but I'm also working on a test paper for my students' final examination. Boy, I have so many ideas in mind, but I always feel that I'm fighting against time, or maybe I shouldn't!

LISTENING

I love listening to Milky Chance's new album Mind the Moon. Every single song in the album feels so good to listen to. Most of the songs make me feel nostalgic and hopeful about so many things. My top three favorites are Fado, We Didn't Make it to the Moon, and Oh Mama. Somehow the beat feels similar yet so different from the earlier songs of the band. Anyway, I'd like to know what you think of their new album.

THINKING

Being asked about what I am currently thinking feels like an attack. I have so many things in mind, but currently, I'm thinking of my bed because it's past midnight and I'm now really sleepy. lol jk I'm making a mental note of how should spend my day tomorrow starting with my first class and checking the weather updates because as per the current local newspaper in our city, some areas will be hit by a typhoon.

HOPING

Currently, I hope I'll get through another hectic week at work and that I'll be both productive and positive. Also looking forward to my birthday real soon which I'll be spending with my loved ones over the beach, tropical fruits, and theme park rides. This is the finals week for my students which means we'll get to enjoy a longer holiday soon so hooray!

WISHING

I don't really believe in wishes because someone told me wishes aren't meant to come true, but well if I should wish, for one thing, it would be his heart. haha jk Let's go for something more profound such as world peace.

LOVING

It's normal to have things that you love about work and things that you don't want to deal with. I must say that the best part of my current work is that I get the chance to teach and learn from amiable students. It's no secret that it is quite a challenge to deal with young learners because they are at their own pace trying to figure out themselves. Fortunately, I am advising talented and empathetic learners who are very much willing to learn new things both in values and in academics.

NEEDING

If work is a dance, then mine would be tango. It has to be filled with passion and most part of it must be done in a snappy manner. I often find myself overloaded with work, and although it isn't necessarily bad, I know that I need to take some time off. A summer getaway in a chilly December would be awesome.

FEELING

At this moment, I am a bit tired, and sleepy, but very enthusiastic about the upcoming days of December, particularly for my upcoming birthday, Christmas, and a planned weekend getaway with my family. My fingers are crossed for all of that! There's nothing wrong with looking at the future on a brighter side right?

I hope good days are coming your way. Ignore my absence; don't ignore me. :)

love lots,

Tin