Poetic Isolation

Showing posts with label family. Show all posts

I do have four siblings. Three of them are older than me and the other one's younger. Yes, we are a huge family for some, but sometimes I do get the feeling of being alienated and alone with them. I reckon it's not the absence of love but simply because we are not each other's cup of tea. Or shall I just say, we haven't discovered something that we all love doing together?

See, our family isn't a romantic type (though it was something that I hope we are or will be). We don't exchange hugs and kisses during the Sunday mass. Oh, God knows when was the last time we all went together to attend a mass. It seems like going to the mass together on Sundays just became a distant memory for all of us.

Truth be told, it's one of the things that I don't like about growing old. One by one, as my older siblings and I got older, we seem to develop a bizarre feeling of going to the church together. Not that I'm too religious to go to the church strictly, but I do feel like it's great to be with my whole family. "I love you" is also something that is rarely heard in our house. Sweet words and warm gestures are simply not our things. I don't mind that much because both would mean nothing if they aren't real anyway. I'd rather deal with what our silence has to tell me.

Even though our family doesn't openly show our affections for each other, we do find our individual ways of showing our love for each other. In my case, I do show them (my family) how much they mean to me by giving them whatever gifts I can think of together with a handwritten card or letter during birthdays. Those aren't grand, but that's the least that I can think of. My older brother, Ronnel whom we call Inting has his own way of showing us his love.

For countless times, my brother has been our source of strength and inspiration. He has helped our family get together and survive the odds of time. I couldn't imagine what he has done for our family. I couldn't imagine our family without him. His love for us speaks with his actions.

Back in 2009, our family encountered the biggest challenged we had so far as a family. Our mother suffered from a health challenge. Back then, everything was so out of place. It was something that doesn't only concerns my parents. It was something that I do have four siblings. Three are older than me, and the other is younger. Yes, we are a massive family for some, but sometimes I feel alienated and alone with them. It's not the absence of love but simply because we are not each other's cup of tea. Or shall I say we haven't discovered something we all love doing together?

See, our family isn't a romantic type (though it was something that I hope we are or will be). We don't exchange hugs and kisses during the Sunday mass. Oh, God knows when the last time we all went together to attend a mass was. Going to the mass together on Sundays just became a distant memory for all of us.

Truth be told, it's one of the things that I don't like about growing old. One by one, as my older siblings and I got older, we seemed to develop a bizarre feeling of attending church together. I'm not too religious to strictly participate in church, but I feel it's great to be with my whole family. "I love you" is also something that is rarely heard in our house. Sweet words and warm gestures are not our things. I don't mind that much because both would mean nothing if they weren't real. I'd rather deal with what our silence has to tell me.

Even though our family doesn't openly show our affection for each other, we do find ways of showing our love for each other. In my case, I do show them (my family) how much they mean to me by giving them whatever gifts I can think of together with a handwritten card or letter during birthdays. Those aren't grand, but that's the least I can think of. My older brother, Ronnel, whom we call Inting, has his way of showing us his love.

My brother has been our source of strength and inspiration for countless times. He has helped our family get together and survive the odds of time. I couldn't imagine what he had done for our family. I couldn't imagine our family without him. His love for us speaks with his actions.

In 2009, our family encountered the most significant challenge we had so far as a family. Our mother suffered from a health challenge. Back then, everything was so out of place. It was something that didn't only concern my parents. It was something that we had to go through as a family. So much was at stake. Thus, so much sacrifice had to be made.

I won't write in detail what we've gone through as it is something too personal, but it was something that I didn't want to think about. It was something that I wanted to bury somewhere in my most profound consciousness. Thinking about it makes me sad, angry, and lonely, but somehow, it also makes me feel strong.

I was in my senior year in high school then, and I thought I couldn't make it to college. I remember crying about it, and then my brother told me to stop and continue my studies and that I could do it. I could go to college, but my brother had to stop. Sending four children to universities was difficult for our parents then, so my brother decided not to attend college for a year. He spent a year on an island with my father to help with my father's business.

That's how I met my brother.

He is willing to sacrifice something he holds dear, such as his education, for our family. He has inspired me to do my best in college and look at everything with gratitude. He is someone who taught me what it means to have a family.

When the news came that I'd be graduating college with honors, my brother sent me a letter expressing his happiness. In his letter, he told me how proud he was of my accomplishment and wished me all the best. He also reminded me to always love our family and to do something for our country, whatever I'll be when I face life after college.

I kept my brother's letter and other tangible things I held dear in my memento box. To this day, I'm still trying to remember what he wrote to me as a reminder. I took it as an alarm clock that wakes me when I forget to love my family and tend to choose a selfish path.

I haven't told many people how I learned to drive a bicycle. When I was 10, my father bought us a bike. Eager to learn, I forced my brother Inting to teach me how to use it. My brother then took me to a nearby subdivision and promised to teach me.

My brother told me that the key to riding a bicycle is to look forward and keep moving. To begin my first ride, I sat on the bike, put my feet on the pedals, and let it move. I did it with my brother holding the bike, moving with me while telling me to keep the pedals moving and to look forward. Frightened, I told him never to let go of me and the bike.

Keep moving, keep moving, keep moving. Look forward, look forward, look forward. I don't mind the pedals that much.

A few moments later, he let me go, and that was how I learned to ride a bicycle. I did fall from my first bicycle ride and suffered a few scratches, but I've learned.

Going through life, dealing with its bumps, falling, and hurting so many times, I listened to what my brother told me when I was 10: keep moving, look forward.

love lots,

Tin

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