Hello Blog, Goodbye

   I know some of these are too personal, and I don't mean to start a pity party today but I just want to put you in a proper rendezvous point of where this post is heading.

   There was a time during the quarantine when things are just feeling blurry and crazy. Although there are days when it's all fair and sunny, some days I have pain that demands to be felt. And as negative as it may sound, it's the truth. It's my own truth and I would never want to lie to myself regardless of what others might think.

   Last May, a news came that someone I know who resides in Japan decided to end her life. It was a shocking news and though we may not be the best of best friends, she is part of my life as I am part of hers as of a woven mat. And it is just overwhelming to know how a whole life could be gone in an instant. I feel so sorry about her. The only thing that I could hope for now is for her soul to be in peace wherever it may be.

   It just hit me a lot since I almost lose a significant someone in a failed suicide attempt back when I was a teenager, but let's not talk about it. I consider the case closed. I can't seem to find the proper word for the pain that I have felt especially knowing that there are others who lose their family from it. I really hope it doesn't happen to anyone else.

     It was also during this quarantine when my anxiety level got so high and I started having skin allergies where I would scratch my skin and left it with some wounds. I don't know why it happened since these days it is also impossible to find a doctor knowing that there is an ongoing pandemic and our city is still in quarantine. It's been almost five months since we are in quarantine and just like anybody else, I am not used to this kind of situation. I'm also not able to work since schools were shutdown and it's also impossible to find a new work which doesn't include physical contact. Basically speaking, I am often in my bedroom. I feel like I was just sleeping most of the time for the month of June. I am coping by doing something creative but there are just times when I couldn't force myself to pick a paint brush or sharpen my piano skill (a new skill that I am able to learn during the quarantine btw).

    I feel better this month but some things happened which are out of my control. Thankfully, I was offered a part time position for a work that I could manage at home. Our family also managed to celebrate 3 birthdays together. Such things make me feel blessed despite the isolation I felt. This month though, Facebook tagged my blog as a spam for no apparent reasons. I have been blogging for 8 years and have been sharing my posts in my account. Not that I share them daily, only when I feel like sharing a post. I also don't have a page of my own so I am clueless as to why my page is regarded as spam. As you may have seen, I never post any hate speech or nudity or some kind in this space. When it comes to affiliate links, I have double checked them with various (by that I mean a lot) of debugger or spam checkers including Google's which resulted positively which means that my blog is clean. I felt so bad about what happened because I have local clients in Facebook which asks me to share my works in the site. Now that I can no longer do it as much as I want to, I'm thinking of building another space.

   This place felt like my own child. I put so much love into this place regardless if my contents are not strong or popular. I don't want any of those. With what happened, I am beginning to accept such limitations. I love blogging and sharing my mind to the world. Though sad that my sharing option is now limited, I'm still happy that this is still here. I'm accepting what happened because I know that no matter how sad it made me feel, my sadness will not do anything and won't help me move and become a better blogger or person. It's one thing that I've learnt although this quarantine - to let go of things that will not help me in any positive way in the future. So may see less of me in this space, but I'll definitely create a new one. Something way better and where flowers always bloom.